Celine was just starting to date again after a difficult break. She was worried because she did not go through another unhappy relationship, but she did not trust herself to make good choices. She asked my help in learning to discern a promising relationship that is doomed to failure.
In Celine's last relationship, she had been fired by the ardent pursuit of her Gary. She had wanted to go slower, but do not listen to itself. Instead, she surrendered to the attention of Gary and compliments.
"Celine, my experience with men who come from very far right is that they are often controlling and needy. Is this what happened with Gary? "
"Yes. It seemed so loving and open at first but once we were in a committed relationship, he started shooting at me for time and attention. It has become critical and angry and petulant when I do not give him what he wished. How could I know all this at first? What should I look now that I'm dating again? "
Celine went on a date with a man named Mark. After that first date, marking his e-mailed, saying he wanted to spend much time with her and take a trip with her.
"Shades of Gary," she said. "This is a red flag, right?"
Celine and I explored some red flags and some signs of a promising relationship.
SOME RED FLAGS
• strikes a blow at the beginning of the relationship.
• gets angry, critical or withdrawn if you say no.
• is logical and tries to talk about your feelings or your experience. Try to make you feel that you've hurt your feelings or your position.
• on interviews and on himself or herself and does not ask much about you, or not interested when you talk about you.
• An older man or woman who has never married and was in a series of broken relationships.
• Many broken marriages.
• has a background of violence and had no therapy.
• abandonment of his or her children.
• It is not open to learning from conflict relationship.
• Participates in addictions that are unacceptable to you - tobacco, alcohol, drugs, food addiction, gambling, television, and so on.
• Financially irresponsible.
• It is not true.
• has few friends.
• Judgmental of self and others. Talk about self and others in disparaging ways.
• is possessive and jealous. Gets angry when you do your own thing.
• Points of view totally different from yours regarding religion and / or spirituality.
• Little interest and hobbies.
Celine and I discussed the fact that you get what you see.
"Not that people can not change," said I, "but you can not change them. If he disagrees with you how it is now, then it does not pursue the relationship. If you are a person with time on higher education institutions and always late, do not expect that to change. If this is not correct, then it does not pursue the relationship. Same thing with weight, to be messy or neat, being a Spender free or being frugal. These issues can become major problems in relationships because people expect change and extremely upset when they do not. "
Some signs of a promising relationship
• Show respect for your feelings and needs, even when they have different feelings and needs.
• is able to be empathetic and compassionate.
• interested in what you say and to learn about you.
• Does the acceptance of self and other - non-judgmental.
• Is open to exploring the conflicts and differences of opinion.
• Is he or she says he or she will.
• Care to be responsible for children from broken marriages - did not abandon his or her children.
• Assume responsibility for his own feelings, health and well made. Do not make you responsible for his or her feelings.
• Is financially responsible. Do not expect to take care of him financially.
• If divorced, takes responsibility for its share of difficulties.
• A person who was in a relationship of love and have lost their mate to death. People who were in romantic relationships generally know to have loving relationships.
• have friends that you love.
• Presentations on the other by providing comfort and support.
• Has interests and hobbies that do not meet him or her.
• religious or spiritual path similar to yours.
• Is supportive of you doing what brings you joy. Experiencing the joy for your joy and pain for your pain.
• Can laugh at mistakes. Has a good sense of humor.
• Is this proper balance between work and play. Knows how to work hard and have fun.
Before you can find the right person, you need to become a good person. Make your own inner work so that you can adapt the above description to a promising relationship is the first step in finding a loving relationship.
In Celine's last relationship, she had been fired by the ardent pursuit of her Gary. She had wanted to go slower, but do not listen to itself. Instead, she surrendered to the attention of Gary and compliments.
"Celine, my experience with men who come from very far right is that they are often controlling and needy. Is this what happened with Gary? "
"Yes. It seemed so loving and open at first but once we were in a committed relationship, he started shooting at me for time and attention. It has become critical and angry and petulant when I do not give him what he wished. How could I know all this at first? What should I look now that I'm dating again? "
Celine went on a date with a man named Mark. After that first date, marking his e-mailed, saying he wanted to spend much time with her and take a trip with her.
"Shades of Gary," she said. "This is a red flag, right?"
Celine and I explored some red flags and some signs of a promising relationship.
SOME RED FLAGS
• strikes a blow at the beginning of the relationship.
• gets angry, critical or withdrawn if you say no.
• is logical and tries to talk about your feelings or your experience. Try to make you feel that you've hurt your feelings or your position.
• on interviews and on himself or herself and does not ask much about you, or not interested when you talk about you.
• An older man or woman who has never married and was in a series of broken relationships.
• Many broken marriages.
• has a background of violence and had no therapy.
• abandonment of his or her children.
• It is not open to learning from conflict relationship.
• Participates in addictions that are unacceptable to you - tobacco, alcohol, drugs, food addiction, gambling, television, and so on.
• Financially irresponsible.
• It is not true.
• has few friends.
• Judgmental of self and others. Talk about self and others in disparaging ways.
• is possessive and jealous. Gets angry when you do your own thing.
• Points of view totally different from yours regarding religion and / or spirituality.
• Little interest and hobbies.
Celine and I discussed the fact that you get what you see.
"Not that people can not change," said I, "but you can not change them. If he disagrees with you how it is now, then it does not pursue the relationship. If you are a person with time on higher education institutions and always late, do not expect that to change. If this is not correct, then it does not pursue the relationship. Same thing with weight, to be messy or neat, being a Spender free or being frugal. These issues can become major problems in relationships because people expect change and extremely upset when they do not. "
Some signs of a promising relationship
• Show respect for your feelings and needs, even when they have different feelings and needs.
• is able to be empathetic and compassionate.
• interested in what you say and to learn about you.
• Does the acceptance of self and other - non-judgmental.
• Is open to exploring the conflicts and differences of opinion.
• Is he or she says he or she will.
• Care to be responsible for children from broken marriages - did not abandon his or her children.
• Assume responsibility for his own feelings, health and well made. Do not make you responsible for his or her feelings.
• Is financially responsible. Do not expect to take care of him financially.
• If divorced, takes responsibility for its share of difficulties.
• A person who was in a relationship of love and have lost their mate to death. People who were in romantic relationships generally know to have loving relationships.
• have friends that you love.
• Presentations on the other by providing comfort and support.
• Has interests and hobbies that do not meet him or her.
• religious or spiritual path similar to yours.
• Is supportive of you doing what brings you joy. Experiencing the joy for your joy and pain for your pain.
• Can laugh at mistakes. Has a good sense of humor.
• Is this proper balance between work and play. Knows how to work hard and have fun.
Before you can find the right person, you need to become a good person. Make your own inner work so that you can adapt the above description to a promising relationship is the first step in finding a loving relationship.
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