Shitting Where You Eat: A Guide To Dating Your Neighbor With Dignity And Grace

1. Meet neighbor.


2. Run into neighbor again.


3. Have a long conversation with neighbor.


4. Go out to lunch.


5. Run into neighbor again.


6. Go out to bar.


7. Make out on sidewalk.


8. Date.


9. Decide dating neighbor is bad idea.


10. Become friends.


11. Go out to lunch. As friends.


12. Drink bottle of wine with neighbor.


13. Have sex with neighbor.


14. See neighbor escorting a girl out of his apartment at 9am on a Sunday.


15. Cry on neighbor's couch for 3 hours.


16. Ask him to cat-sit the following weekend.


17. Avoid neighbor.


18. Run into neighbor. Limit conversation to discussion of SSRIs and cats.


19. Avoid neighbor.


20. Give neighbor a basket full of whiskey and candy as a "thank you" for cat-sitting.


21. Avoid neighbor.


22. Move.