The Band

Or: How to ruin your ex’s birthdays for the rest of his natural life in ten steps

Step one: Find out that one of his favorite bands is playing on his birthday, in town, in a tiny venue.

Step two: Go to the show with him… not like WITH him, but with his friend group.

Step three: Dress really well. Drink. Dance. Take some pictures. Get up really close to the stage.

Step four: Find out where the band is drinking after the show, and then drag him and his friends there.

Step five: Get autographs and strike up a conversation with the band.

Step six: Have the guitarist buy him a birthday drink. Accept several free drinks from said guitarist, since he asked, thank you very much.

Step seven: It would be a huge plus if the guitarist has a foreign accent.

Step eight: Find out that the guitarist was just standing in for their usual guitarist, but that he usually tours with a much more well-known band that you are also a fan of.

Step nine: Get yourself invited back to the hotel to party. Make sure the ex and his friends have got an invite too. Party like a goddamn rockstar, but keep your clothes on.

Step ten: Apologize. He will never be able to top that as a birthday party. Ever.


-Slightly Disheveled

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Tips for Flirting with People Behind the Desk

I'm not really going to get into specifics, but I have a job where I work behind a desk.  My job is helping you find stuff, and I am supposed to be friendly and open and cheery and I happen to dress kinda cute most of the time.  People... some people... don't get that this is my job and I am like that to everyone.  Ladies in my profession are frequently the object of Craigslist Missed Connections and all sorts of other misplaced crushes.  Just because you have a card with my e-mail on it: don't send me drunken fanmail emails at 12:30 a.m. on a Sunday because I DON'T have a clue who you are. 

I recently found myself flirting with a really really cute guy.  He was at his work.  It happened to be at a phone place, so in order to test my phone service he called my phone... like three times... just to check.  Now, honestly, the last thing I need in my life is ANOTHER guy to muck up the works, but Rebound Mojo is a bitch.  Instead of dwelling on my overwhelming knee-jerk reaction to text him, I am going to write a posting.

Tips for Flirting with People Behind the Desk.

1. This person is at work.
2. This person is probably bored.
3. This person is providing you with excellent customer service.
4. This person probably has a supervisor watching them.
5. This is first and foremost a commercial or educational interaction.
6. Any personal information gleaned from this exchange is null and void for personal use.
7. The way to ask someone out on a date is to ASK THEM OUT ON A DATE.

Have a really nice day. Come back soon!

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